Orien Rose is in. She went in this morning at about 8am. We are looking at a minimum of 4 hours for the procedure (that does not include prep and post time).
Sitting in the waiting room, watching the newer parents turn their head every time a doctor walks in, we remember that feeling. Because we are "veterans" doesn't make this any less scary, we are only more prepared to occupy our time.
Orien plays on his phone, takes a number of walks...goes for fresh air. I have written, emailed, gotten frustrated at all the places the hospital network will not allow me to go (and thanks mom for your WWAN...which I am borrowing to get into the blog site).
We are almost 4 hours in so far...
Thank you all for the calls, emails, texts and support sent our way already today. Once Orien Rose is out and we are settled (we are told we will initially be in PICU), we will post again.
Blessings
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
6-23-08
6-23-08
In ten minutes we will leave to go to a pre-op appointment. I feel the need to be connected, through words, feelings, others in the land of the web. Orien and I tried for a moment of solace this morning and snuck out to breakfast while Orien Rose still slept (her family there to watch her if she woke before we returned).
Instead, the morning brought frantic phone calls, confusion, antagonistic anger and blame (not from us, but office staff who were obviously having a bad day). Boy, are Orien and I a good team. Like pro’s, we fielded the phone calls to the right people (he does medical, I do billing) and have prepared to get done a few final things before we embark tomorrow.
There was a small blow-up, quickly resolved with a few key words, though I have to say I anticipated another as the tension began to grow while more phone calls came in. In the end, we were able to keep it together and get through it. A shower and some packing aiding our bodies in staying connected. We are good at what we do, though…we can see our blessings.
This morning, before I left, I stared at Orien Rose asleep in bed. I sat down and ran my hand across her cheek. I looked at her profile, how perfect the face of my child, so serene. The unscarred cheek was presented as she laid on her stomach, her right side to me, her breath easing me into her rhythm. I stroked her hair, said a few prayers and hurt with love.
In ten minutes we will leave to go to a pre-op appointment. I feel the need to be connected, through words, feelings, others in the land of the web. Orien and I tried for a moment of solace this morning and snuck out to breakfast while Orien Rose still slept (her family there to watch her if she woke before we returned).
Instead, the morning brought frantic phone calls, confusion, antagonistic anger and blame (not from us, but office staff who were obviously having a bad day). Boy, are Orien and I a good team. Like pro’s, we fielded the phone calls to the right people (he does medical, I do billing) and have prepared to get done a few final things before we embark tomorrow.
There was a small blow-up, quickly resolved with a few key words, though I have to say I anticipated another as the tension began to grow while more phone calls came in. In the end, we were able to keep it together and get through it. A shower and some packing aiding our bodies in staying connected. We are good at what we do, though…we can see our blessings.
This morning, before I left, I stared at Orien Rose asleep in bed. I sat down and ran my hand across her cheek. I looked at her profile, how perfect the face of my child, so serene. The unscarred cheek was presented as she laid on her stomach, her right side to me, her breath easing me into her rhythm. I stroked her hair, said a few prayers and hurt with love.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
6-22-08
6-22-08
We are nearing the next, and hopefully final, surgery for Orien Rose. A lot of you have followed the story since last year, and we are incredibly appreciative. (If you are just joining us, please go back to May 2007 and read the first few posts for the complete info about the accident.) We have been taken care of, supported, gifted with blessings of energy and miracles. We have had energy sent our way from people all over the world. We are still hearing stories like the one told to us at my sister’s wedding in December. A family friend’s mother lives in Ireland. When she got the news, she gathered the people in the Pub (Church is open Sundays, the Pub is open every day) and they all prayed for us. We got emails from people from all over the US and from Canada, Africa, India, Australia…
Orien Rose is amazing, yes…and we (Orien and I) can’t discount that we have made it through this last year as well. The trials for us have been many…patience, willingness, wanting to give up so many times we learned to balance our needs. I have written more this year than I have in a long time and am merely waiting for an end to my book to finally put it together, at the goading of many of you.
A lot of energy has been sent our way, and as we retrospect over the last year, we can see the patterns of happenings. We have been blessed to open up to so many new people, to solidify long standing relationships and truly get a clear picture of where we stand in people’s lives. Our lives have been touched by so many who report the changes in their lives because of our story. This truly makes US feel worthy of our blessing.
What is in store for Orien Rose? Who knows? She has survived a near fatal accident. As we revisit the occurrence for another article for the Times Herald Record located here, we are reminded of the numbers, the statistics, the fact that 1-3cm to the right and she would have been dead. We pull out various PR pieces we have done for the Ronald McDonald House and Hasbro, pictures of Orien Rose a reminder of our miracle. We are reminded that the slice up her face was centimeters outside the tympanic membrane in her ear, yet she can hear. That the slice through her face damaged her tear duct and we were told we would forever have to put drops in her eyes to keep them moist, yet she tears. We were told she would be in PICU for weeks, the hospital for months and rehab after that. We left PICU after 4 days, HASBRO after a few weeks and rehab for an even less amount of time. Yes, it has been a long year, but as Orien says, “when you’re in the middle of a miracle it’s rude to say, ‘hurry up.’”
So here we are, getting ready for surgery. The doctors’ intention is to finish it up Tuesday, to be done with the inside of Orien Rose’s head. The scar on her face by her eye is almost unnoticeable. The scar on her cheek requiring more treatment, scar massage and care…but she is young and man is she a trooper. She was taught at Free Spirit how to massage the scar, and is doing so every day now.
We returned from Free Spirit glad to have been able to attend. For me, the stress wasn’t lessened, but the rest was increased. Time moved too quickly for me that week, but I was glad to have another week home before we left again. Finding balance in that, we moved forward to tie up some loose ends and to get ourselves situated for the next few weeks. We exchanged our festival clothing for “real” clothes and packed the cars.
We left for Rhode Island on Thursday evening about 5pm. Not too much traffic at that time, since we would hit Danbury about 6pm. Generally we leave later, but I was anxious to get on the road, anxious to begin this next leg of our journey where we get Orien Rose’s skull work done.
Orien Rose and I went to drop off “Zenzilla” at my mother’s house before we hit the highway. Our other two dogs found a thought in my mind, a slight pang of missing, knowing they were being well taken care of and so loved, the thought passed quickly.
Orien would be trailing slightly behind us as we left him home packing. When we finally got on the road, we were within miles of each other. We decided to take two cars after discussing our plans for the upcoming weeks of time.
I need to travel home on July 1st for a mid-term and will attend my Wednesday night class as well. Depending on what the plans turn out to be, I will either drive back to RI from school or return home to wait a day or two for Orien and Orien Rose to come home. I am not sure if we will be home for my mother’s annual Fourth of July party.
Why I decided to attend a Summer semester…who knows. I wanted to be done with school by now. I wanted to be pursuing other certifications at this point. Orien Rose’s accident set me back a year, and for whatever reason I believed I needed to jump on it again. I think there was fear, really, that I would give up, that I would just stop. I definitely have wanted to. I am tired and my brain is definitely not where it normally is. This has gotten a little frustrating for me. Then I remember what Orien Rose goes through to sometimes remember simple things. I remember what it looks like when we can see her brain finding a new route and I breathe.
So we are here, at the “Cottage” spending time with Grampy and Aunt Toni and waiting on Aunt Sandi’s arrival this evening. Anxiety is increasing for Orien and me as we get closer to Tuesday. Orien Rose is anxiously excited for Aunt Sandi’s arrival. Tonight we will all go out to dinner.
I make a conscious effort not to slice, but feel I am failing in staying connected. So I just keep walking away. I am in desperate need of cuddling, touch…but then I don’t want it. Keeping the Emergence group fresh in my mind I ask myself if I am learning from my suffering and use blame as a measure for my pain. If I am blaming, I am not learning, I am merely trying to avoid my pain. My fear grows and then subsides as I anticipate Tuesday’s surgery. I tried to escape into a book, and read a whole one yesterday. It was enjoyable, some of the time, but mainly provided my dreams with fresh material to keep me from resting fully.
Sleep has not come easy for all three of us. Orien Rose is excited about the surgery, but has expressed some fear as well. I am glad she has been vocalizing it, allowing for different outlets that are not all physical. Orien is a little edgy, I am edgy…we have gone out, sat some, gone out again, and sat some more together and independently. Time feels as if it moving so slowly, and then it seems as if a whole day has gone by without even taking notice of the fluctuation in our emotional state.
The past few days, we have gotten phone calls, emails, comments on MySpace and texts. Each one brightening our day and reminding us, when we feel alone, that there are so many supporting us. We appreciate ALL of you! Orien Rose loves hearing the messages and reading the emails! It allows us a moment to sit together and connect. This is a great tool when we are sitting in our dis-ease. It is a moment to step out of ourselves and connect not only with each other, but with all of you…our community, our support, our “clan” again. We are big believers that it “takes a Village.” You have all shown us just how powerful that village can be!
Thank you for continuing to read! I will update a little more frequently now that we are in the middle of major movement.
Blessings to all of you!
We are nearing the next, and hopefully final, surgery for Orien Rose. A lot of you have followed the story since last year, and we are incredibly appreciative. (If you are just joining us, please go back to May 2007 and read the first few posts for the complete info about the accident.) We have been taken care of, supported, gifted with blessings of energy and miracles. We have had energy sent our way from people all over the world. We are still hearing stories like the one told to us at my sister’s wedding in December. A family friend’s mother lives in Ireland. When she got the news, she gathered the people in the Pub (Church is open Sundays, the Pub is open every day) and they all prayed for us. We got emails from people from all over the US and from Canada, Africa, India, Australia…
Orien Rose is amazing, yes…and we (Orien and I) can’t discount that we have made it through this last year as well. The trials for us have been many…patience, willingness, wanting to give up so many times we learned to balance our needs. I have written more this year than I have in a long time and am merely waiting for an end to my book to finally put it together, at the goading of many of you.
A lot of energy has been sent our way, and as we retrospect over the last year, we can see the patterns of happenings. We have been blessed to open up to so many new people, to solidify long standing relationships and truly get a clear picture of where we stand in people’s lives. Our lives have been touched by so many who report the changes in their lives because of our story. This truly makes US feel worthy of our blessing.
What is in store for Orien Rose? Who knows? She has survived a near fatal accident. As we revisit the occurrence for another article for the Times Herald Record located here, we are reminded of the numbers, the statistics, the fact that 1-3cm to the right and she would have been dead. We pull out various PR pieces we have done for the Ronald McDonald House and Hasbro, pictures of Orien Rose a reminder of our miracle. We are reminded that the slice up her face was centimeters outside the tympanic membrane in her ear, yet she can hear. That the slice through her face damaged her tear duct and we were told we would forever have to put drops in her eyes to keep them moist, yet she tears. We were told she would be in PICU for weeks, the hospital for months and rehab after that. We left PICU after 4 days, HASBRO after a few weeks and rehab for an even less amount of time. Yes, it has been a long year, but as Orien says, “when you’re in the middle of a miracle it’s rude to say, ‘hurry up.’”
So here we are, getting ready for surgery. The doctors’ intention is to finish it up Tuesday, to be done with the inside of Orien Rose’s head. The scar on her face by her eye is almost unnoticeable. The scar on her cheek requiring more treatment, scar massage and care…but she is young and man is she a trooper. She was taught at Free Spirit how to massage the scar, and is doing so every day now.
We returned from Free Spirit glad to have been able to attend. For me, the stress wasn’t lessened, but the rest was increased. Time moved too quickly for me that week, but I was glad to have another week home before we left again. Finding balance in that, we moved forward to tie up some loose ends and to get ourselves situated for the next few weeks. We exchanged our festival clothing for “real” clothes and packed the cars.
We left for Rhode Island on Thursday evening about 5pm. Not too much traffic at that time, since we would hit Danbury about 6pm. Generally we leave later, but I was anxious to get on the road, anxious to begin this next leg of our journey where we get Orien Rose’s skull work done.
Orien Rose and I went to drop off “Zenzilla” at my mother’s house before we hit the highway. Our other two dogs found a thought in my mind, a slight pang of missing, knowing they were being well taken care of and so loved, the thought passed quickly.
Orien would be trailing slightly behind us as we left him home packing. When we finally got on the road, we were within miles of each other. We decided to take two cars after discussing our plans for the upcoming weeks of time.
I need to travel home on July 1st for a mid-term and will attend my Wednesday night class as well. Depending on what the plans turn out to be, I will either drive back to RI from school or return home to wait a day or two for Orien and Orien Rose to come home. I am not sure if we will be home for my mother’s annual Fourth of July party.
Why I decided to attend a Summer semester…who knows. I wanted to be done with school by now. I wanted to be pursuing other certifications at this point. Orien Rose’s accident set me back a year, and for whatever reason I believed I needed to jump on it again. I think there was fear, really, that I would give up, that I would just stop. I definitely have wanted to. I am tired and my brain is definitely not where it normally is. This has gotten a little frustrating for me. Then I remember what Orien Rose goes through to sometimes remember simple things. I remember what it looks like when we can see her brain finding a new route and I breathe.
So we are here, at the “Cottage” spending time with Grampy and Aunt Toni and waiting on Aunt Sandi’s arrival this evening. Anxiety is increasing for Orien and me as we get closer to Tuesday. Orien Rose is anxiously excited for Aunt Sandi’s arrival. Tonight we will all go out to dinner.
I make a conscious effort not to slice, but feel I am failing in staying connected. So I just keep walking away. I am in desperate need of cuddling, touch…but then I don’t want it. Keeping the Emergence group fresh in my mind I ask myself if I am learning from my suffering and use blame as a measure for my pain. If I am blaming, I am not learning, I am merely trying to avoid my pain. My fear grows and then subsides as I anticipate Tuesday’s surgery. I tried to escape into a book, and read a whole one yesterday. It was enjoyable, some of the time, but mainly provided my dreams with fresh material to keep me from resting fully.
Sleep has not come easy for all three of us. Orien Rose is excited about the surgery, but has expressed some fear as well. I am glad she has been vocalizing it, allowing for different outlets that are not all physical. Orien is a little edgy, I am edgy…we have gone out, sat some, gone out again, and sat some more together and independently. Time feels as if it moving so slowly, and then it seems as if a whole day has gone by without even taking notice of the fluctuation in our emotional state.
The past few days, we have gotten phone calls, emails, comments on MySpace and texts. Each one brightening our day and reminding us, when we feel alone, that there are so many supporting us. We appreciate ALL of you! Orien Rose loves hearing the messages and reading the emails! It allows us a moment to sit together and connect. This is a great tool when we are sitting in our dis-ease. It is a moment to step out of ourselves and connect not only with each other, but with all of you…our community, our support, our “clan” again. We are big believers that it “takes a Village.” You have all shown us just how powerful that village can be!
Thank you for continuing to read! I will update a little more frequently now that we are in the middle of major movement.
Blessings to all of you!
Monday, June 16, 2008
6-16-08
6-16-08
Today would have had us traveling to Rhode Island if last Monday had gone very differently. However, we have learned that things change. Simple. Period. Things change and most of the time, you can’t do anything about it. Though we can struggle to regain power, it isn’t until we admit powerlessness that the pressure can dissipate.
Last Monday began with a cheery feeling that we would all embark on our journey to Free Spirit. Returning refreshed and rejuvenated we would drive straight to RI for Orien Rose’s surgery. A journey that we anticipated with butterflies in our bellies as we knew we would have a chance to thank, again, those who worked for us. We knew we would see people we hadn’t seen now in TWO years. The children got bigger. Two years is a lot of time for little ones to grow.
Then I made a phone call, at about noon, to Plastics to confirm that on Monday, June 16th (today) we would go for a pre-op appointment. That was when I was told…”oh, you are no longer scheduled for that date. Something came up.” So, of course, I was thinking to myself…”what the F*%!” We were 100% with both offices. Neuro and plastics BOTH confirmed the date with us. We finally made the call to CA to say, “yes, its time to come.” They were coming. We were leaving in less than 24 hours for a retreat.
But, things change, and after 6 hours on the phone back and forth with plastics, neuro, family…we were exhausted and no where closer to finding out WHY and if things could change again. Orien is amazing, I have to say, in fielding the medical world. He knows the language, he knows where to put pressure and (mostly) where to back off. It is like the fine art of reflexology, where pressure in one spot triggers healing or movement in another. This is not my forte. I struggled for the two and a half hours until he got home to take over the dance of the phones. All through it, though, we stayed connected to each other.
My concern was what would keep them from doing it again, from saying…oh, you are no longer scheduled for that date. We know that it is essentially out of our hands, but I think we made it clear that another time would be extremely unsatisfactory and we would take larger measures to make sure Orien Rose was taken care of. I mean, the child has been wearing a helmet for over a full year! It is time to give Orien Rose her head back.
So, we embarked, without answers on Tuesday to Free Spirit. The car was packed and ready to go Monday night. We just needed a little sleep and we were off. There was no rush, nothing too controlled, no stress about what time we got there. The ride was pleasant as we talked about who we were going to see, some of the classes we wanted to take, the rituals we would be apart of. We talked about who we hoped would be there. Then the phone rang as we were nearing the event. The doctor’s confirmed we would not have the 17th, but the 24th instead. Roll with it. What will keep them from changing again? Roll with it. I need to change a LOT of things around…ROLL WITH IT! Okay, we have our answer, move on to the festival.
And we arrived, and it was great. My head not fully leaving the fact that Orien Rose’s surgery was coming up. My head not fully grasping that it was time to relax and sometimes so overwhelmed all I could do was rest. I was gifted with an amazing massage, one that worked out over a year of tension from holding the world. When I got on the table, the beautiful woman said to me, “what do you want.” I said, “Take all of it out.” She said, “All of it?” “Yes,” I said. It was no joke. She is a healer of the finest degree, very much affected by my last year as well. She could see what I have been carrying. She talked to me and gave me the permission to let it go, sometimes having to be slightly firmer as I resisted. I closed my eyes and as my shoulder muscles were being released, I could see the opera. I could see the Viking woman, blonde braids and helmet with horns singing her heart out. I could see her struggle slightly with her breath as the immensity of the Universe overwhelmed her, then suddenly the Earth appeared in her hands and she was no longer slipping.
Orien Rose was so happy to see so many, and they were happy to see her. Over and over, people came to us and told us how happy they were we had made it this year. And two years had gone by, not just one missed Free Spirit, but two years. For some of the children, there was drastic change. But Orien Rose went to school at Lady Amber’s and learned what they taught. This year, when the bell rang, she was there and ready to go. No one had to tell her to be. I could hear her being reprimanded in some instances for touching things she shouldn’t. More so, however, I heard her participating and sharing and asking questions. Each meal, she ate apart from us, meeting new people and talking to them. She saved the magic show on Saturday night (Magnus told her so), getting up with one cue and finishing the task another couldn’t. Orien Rose got a kick out of telling Magnus we have been watching him on television….lol….
On Thursday night, I called in to my team teleconference where we worked out the logistics of the upcoming meeting that I would no longer be able to attend. My team is wonderful and they are stepping up beautifully! Of course, they loved the background goings on as Lori and I sat outside the tent talking on speaker phone. I am sad that I will not be able to attend. I have put so much energy into it, but I also trust my team to more than make up for my absence.
I took some classes and have more direction. My life keeps piling on top of itself, showing me doorway after doorway of opportunity and I can’t wait to share it, put it out there, do it! All of this from sitting for a few days with amazing people as I watched Orien Rose have some Freedom that she longed for. Very few meltdowns were had (though there were a few). Thank you to all of you who spent the last few days with us.
Today is Monday, June 16th. By Wednesday, I will have my business for the next few weeks wrapped up. Hopefully, my papers for school will be written and I will pass the semester. But, really…none of that matters. I may not be “at my best” in some areas of my life, but I am still good. It has been a year of time, and all of that will still be waiting for me. If it is not, then it wasn’t meant for me.
It has been so clear to us that what matters is US; Orien, Orien Rose and I. Our relationships matter, being present matters, connected matters. Orien, Orien Rose and I are what are important. We know that we would not have gotten this far without the aide, energy, blessings, prayers, and actions of those around us. We live this 24/7. In dealing with the doctors we need to remember that they are not. We live this 24/7 and in our, sometimes, loneliness we need to remember that others are not. We are strong and we know how to reach out. We are blessed in so many ways, and yes…sometimes blessing can weigh heavy. Our burdens have been shouldered not only by ourselves, but by others willing to help in our healing. Our dogs, who were not able to get the love they needed from us, have a new beautiful home (thank you so much Shannon!). Though we are struggling financially, we are doing it. We are readjusting our needs, readjusting our mental state and our thoughts to keep our heads above the water. Though sometimes the exhaustion leads us to believe we are drowning, we are actually swimming hard, moving in the right direction…or a boat comes along to give us a ride for a little while.
The coming weeks will see an end to one leg of this journey and the beginning of another. We are staying as calm as we can, expressing and releasing our anxieties in a spiral of energies that get absorbed into the Earth. Orien Rose is vocalizing her fear now, and we are talking about the positives of the surgery, we are talking about what she will be able to do again.
For now, we are asking for people to put something on your alarm clock on Monday, June 23rd, something to remind you when you wake up on the 24th to take a breath for us. We will be admitting Orien Rose at 6:30am on Tuesday, June 24th where she will go through a lengthy surgery to reconstruct her skull and the facial (orbital) part that needs to be finished. The goal is to have it completed on the 24th, to get ALL of it done. We would like this to be her last surgery.
So, please envision this with us: Orien Rose will ride horses again, she will continue her Tae Kwon Do training, advancing in her degree. By the end of the Summer, Orien Rose will be able to swim in a pool without a helmet because her head will be completely healed. The doctors’ hands will be steady and swift, they will be focused, precise and artists of the finest caliber.
For you: thank you again for everything you have done. Thank you to all of you who are stepping up to fill my absence on the 24th (I am so proud of you ladies – my team). Thank you to all of those who came up to us at Free Spirit and gave us the hugs we needed. Thank you to all of you who keep sending us energy, cards, well wishes, phone calls, emails…time on the porch! Many, many, many blessings to all of you!
Today would have had us traveling to Rhode Island if last Monday had gone very differently. However, we have learned that things change. Simple. Period. Things change and most of the time, you can’t do anything about it. Though we can struggle to regain power, it isn’t until we admit powerlessness that the pressure can dissipate.
Last Monday began with a cheery feeling that we would all embark on our journey to Free Spirit. Returning refreshed and rejuvenated we would drive straight to RI for Orien Rose’s surgery. A journey that we anticipated with butterflies in our bellies as we knew we would have a chance to thank, again, those who worked for us. We knew we would see people we hadn’t seen now in TWO years. The children got bigger. Two years is a lot of time for little ones to grow.
Then I made a phone call, at about noon, to Plastics to confirm that on Monday, June 16th (today) we would go for a pre-op appointment. That was when I was told…”oh, you are no longer scheduled for that date. Something came up.” So, of course, I was thinking to myself…”what the F*%!” We were 100% with both offices. Neuro and plastics BOTH confirmed the date with us. We finally made the call to CA to say, “yes, its time to come.” They were coming. We were leaving in less than 24 hours for a retreat.
But, things change, and after 6 hours on the phone back and forth with plastics, neuro, family…we were exhausted and no where closer to finding out WHY and if things could change again. Orien is amazing, I have to say, in fielding the medical world. He knows the language, he knows where to put pressure and (mostly) where to back off. It is like the fine art of reflexology, where pressure in one spot triggers healing or movement in another. This is not my forte. I struggled for the two and a half hours until he got home to take over the dance of the phones. All through it, though, we stayed connected to each other.
My concern was what would keep them from doing it again, from saying…oh, you are no longer scheduled for that date. We know that it is essentially out of our hands, but I think we made it clear that another time would be extremely unsatisfactory and we would take larger measures to make sure Orien Rose was taken care of. I mean, the child has been wearing a helmet for over a full year! It is time to give Orien Rose her head back.
So, we embarked, without answers on Tuesday to Free Spirit. The car was packed and ready to go Monday night. We just needed a little sleep and we were off. There was no rush, nothing too controlled, no stress about what time we got there. The ride was pleasant as we talked about who we were going to see, some of the classes we wanted to take, the rituals we would be apart of. We talked about who we hoped would be there. Then the phone rang as we were nearing the event. The doctor’s confirmed we would not have the 17th, but the 24th instead. Roll with it. What will keep them from changing again? Roll with it. I need to change a LOT of things around…ROLL WITH IT! Okay, we have our answer, move on to the festival.
And we arrived, and it was great. My head not fully leaving the fact that Orien Rose’s surgery was coming up. My head not fully grasping that it was time to relax and sometimes so overwhelmed all I could do was rest. I was gifted with an amazing massage, one that worked out over a year of tension from holding the world. When I got on the table, the beautiful woman said to me, “what do you want.” I said, “Take all of it out.” She said, “All of it?” “Yes,” I said. It was no joke. She is a healer of the finest degree, very much affected by my last year as well. She could see what I have been carrying. She talked to me and gave me the permission to let it go, sometimes having to be slightly firmer as I resisted. I closed my eyes and as my shoulder muscles were being released, I could see the opera. I could see the Viking woman, blonde braids and helmet with horns singing her heart out. I could see her struggle slightly with her breath as the immensity of the Universe overwhelmed her, then suddenly the Earth appeared in her hands and she was no longer slipping.
Orien Rose was so happy to see so many, and they were happy to see her. Over and over, people came to us and told us how happy they were we had made it this year. And two years had gone by, not just one missed Free Spirit, but two years. For some of the children, there was drastic change. But Orien Rose went to school at Lady Amber’s and learned what they taught. This year, when the bell rang, she was there and ready to go. No one had to tell her to be. I could hear her being reprimanded in some instances for touching things she shouldn’t. More so, however, I heard her participating and sharing and asking questions. Each meal, she ate apart from us, meeting new people and talking to them. She saved the magic show on Saturday night (Magnus told her so), getting up with one cue and finishing the task another couldn’t. Orien Rose got a kick out of telling Magnus we have been watching him on television….lol….
On Thursday night, I called in to my team teleconference where we worked out the logistics of the upcoming meeting that I would no longer be able to attend. My team is wonderful and they are stepping up beautifully! Of course, they loved the background goings on as Lori and I sat outside the tent talking on speaker phone. I am sad that I will not be able to attend. I have put so much energy into it, but I also trust my team to more than make up for my absence.
I took some classes and have more direction. My life keeps piling on top of itself, showing me doorway after doorway of opportunity and I can’t wait to share it, put it out there, do it! All of this from sitting for a few days with amazing people as I watched Orien Rose have some Freedom that she longed for. Very few meltdowns were had (though there were a few). Thank you to all of you who spent the last few days with us.
Today is Monday, June 16th. By Wednesday, I will have my business for the next few weeks wrapped up. Hopefully, my papers for school will be written and I will pass the semester. But, really…none of that matters. I may not be “at my best” in some areas of my life, but I am still good. It has been a year of time, and all of that will still be waiting for me. If it is not, then it wasn’t meant for me.
It has been so clear to us that what matters is US; Orien, Orien Rose and I. Our relationships matter, being present matters, connected matters. Orien, Orien Rose and I are what are important. We know that we would not have gotten this far without the aide, energy, blessings, prayers, and actions of those around us. We live this 24/7. In dealing with the doctors we need to remember that they are not. We live this 24/7 and in our, sometimes, loneliness we need to remember that others are not. We are strong and we know how to reach out. We are blessed in so many ways, and yes…sometimes blessing can weigh heavy. Our burdens have been shouldered not only by ourselves, but by others willing to help in our healing. Our dogs, who were not able to get the love they needed from us, have a new beautiful home (thank you so much Shannon!). Though we are struggling financially, we are doing it. We are readjusting our needs, readjusting our mental state and our thoughts to keep our heads above the water. Though sometimes the exhaustion leads us to believe we are drowning, we are actually swimming hard, moving in the right direction…or a boat comes along to give us a ride for a little while.
The coming weeks will see an end to one leg of this journey and the beginning of another. We are staying as calm as we can, expressing and releasing our anxieties in a spiral of energies that get absorbed into the Earth. Orien Rose is vocalizing her fear now, and we are talking about the positives of the surgery, we are talking about what she will be able to do again.
For now, we are asking for people to put something on your alarm clock on Monday, June 23rd, something to remind you when you wake up on the 24th to take a breath for us. We will be admitting Orien Rose at 6:30am on Tuesday, June 24th where she will go through a lengthy surgery to reconstruct her skull and the facial (orbital) part that needs to be finished. The goal is to have it completed on the 24th, to get ALL of it done. We would like this to be her last surgery.
So, please envision this with us: Orien Rose will ride horses again, she will continue her Tae Kwon Do training, advancing in her degree. By the end of the Summer, Orien Rose will be able to swim in a pool without a helmet because her head will be completely healed. The doctors’ hands will be steady and swift, they will be focused, precise and artists of the finest caliber.
For you: thank you again for everything you have done. Thank you to all of you who are stepping up to fill my absence on the 24th (I am so proud of you ladies – my team). Thank you to all of those who came up to us at Free Spirit and gave us the hugs we needed. Thank you to all of you who keep sending us energy, cards, well wishes, phone calls, emails…time on the porch! Many, many, many blessings to all of you!
Friday, June 6, 2008
6-6-08 We have a surgery date!
6-6-08
Okay, this one is short and sweet (we’ll see…maybe I will get writing). We went to RI yesterday and got the green light from the Plastic surgeon. We have a date of June 17th for Orien Rose’s surgery. He believes this to be the last one. During this surgery, he will fix up more of the facial portion of the injury and repair the bone that has settled since the last surgery, harvesting bone from the back of her skull. He will also be putting in the prosthetic piece to replace her skull. Her bone should grow directly into this. Meaning, we should not have to go in again!
So, we leave early Tuesday morning to go to Free Spirit, our annual spiritual retreat that we had not missed in over decade until last year. Orien Rose is happy to be getting back, as are we. We stay there until Sunday, June 15th. From there, we will drive home, drop off the camping gear, pick up the “real” clothes and head to RI for pre-op on Monday, June 16th. We will admit Orien Rose at 6:30am Tuesday, June 17th for surgery.
Needless to say, we are all a little anxious and it is imperative that Orien Rose keep her hands from her head. There will be no swimming from now until surgery (and sometime after), which means the Free Spirit pool will “haunt” her, but we will have lots of fun by the fire and drumming.
We will be in RI for two weeks following her surgery (with me coming home for the Waterbury Event on June 24th and class on June 25th so I don’t miss too many of them, then back to RI).
Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts. As we get to the surgery, I will update more often so you know how it is going. For now, we are centering, grounding, releasing, dealing with the “real deal” and letting anything else wash itself away. We are blessed, and you all make that so!
Okay, this one is short and sweet (we’ll see…maybe I will get writing). We went to RI yesterday and got the green light from the Plastic surgeon. We have a date of June 17th for Orien Rose’s surgery. He believes this to be the last one. During this surgery, he will fix up more of the facial portion of the injury and repair the bone that has settled since the last surgery, harvesting bone from the back of her skull. He will also be putting in the prosthetic piece to replace her skull. Her bone should grow directly into this. Meaning, we should not have to go in again!
So, we leave early Tuesday morning to go to Free Spirit, our annual spiritual retreat that we had not missed in over decade until last year. Orien Rose is happy to be getting back, as are we. We stay there until Sunday, June 15th. From there, we will drive home, drop off the camping gear, pick up the “real” clothes and head to RI for pre-op on Monday, June 16th. We will admit Orien Rose at 6:30am Tuesday, June 17th for surgery.
Needless to say, we are all a little anxious and it is imperative that Orien Rose keep her hands from her head. There will be no swimming from now until surgery (and sometime after), which means the Free Spirit pool will “haunt” her, but we will have lots of fun by the fire and drumming.
We will be in RI for two weeks following her surgery (with me coming home for the Waterbury Event on June 24th and class on June 25th so I don’t miss too many of them, then back to RI).
Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts. As we get to the surgery, I will update more often so you know how it is going. For now, we are centering, grounding, releasing, dealing with the “real deal” and letting anything else wash itself away. We are blessed, and you all make that so!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
5-28-08
5-28-08
Perhaps I am avoiding it, perhaps I feel I don’t have much to say. Either way, I am writing because you have asked me. You have asked me what is happening, you have sent wishes and thoughts as we mark a year since the accident. You have reached out to us, anticipating what we may be feeling during these moments. So, thank you! Thank you for keeping us in your prayers, thoughts, and energies. We are appreciative and each time we begin to struggle beyond our capacity, the Universe sends us another phone call, email, card, or some other kind of connection.
We are struggling right now, but not as much as we have in the past. It reminds me that it is easy to ask for help when things are really hard, but not so much when they are just hard. Because I like to introspect and pull things apart to look at the pieces, I keep analyzing what I am feeling, why I am feeling it and what I have come up with is the long, hard road. The adrenaline of the accident and the months that followed kept us going on pure need. Today, we find ourselves with mundane struggles catapulting the underlying hopes and fears.
Recently, Orien Rose came into the bathroom when I was in the shower. She said, “Mom, look!” As if I could get a moment alone…lol… I told her to give me a moment and she said, “no Mom, look!!” And as I pulled the shower curtain back, there she was in her Tae Kwon Do uniform, her advanced green belt (tied correctly she showed me) around her waist, her gloves and foot gear on, and her helmet (not the one she was supposed to be wearing) and she says,” I am ready to spar!”
Oh boy, my heart sank and laughed in the same moment. She is ready for the surgery, too. She is also scared and has finally begun to express some of that rather than picking her head to avoid it. Yes, she got to her head again last week, but at this point she is so healed that the spot is miniscule.
Next week, I will drive to RI to meet with both plastics and neuro to talk to them about the impending surgery. I have put in the call to let them both know that we are ready. She is healed, she is ready, we are ready. Hopefully, the doctors are ready. Plastics wanted three months from the time of her head healing. June 5th will be 9 weeks, which puts us at the first week in July. These are OUR plans. Nothing, as we have learned, is set in stone.
So, we go about our days, making phone calls, working as much as possible and trying to survive. Yes, we are back to survival, living at the basest we can manage, and even then we sometimes feel we are drowning. But I believe in the power of Will and the Universe’s desire to take care of us. I put my prayers out there every day. I take a moment in the morning to listen to the music and feel my body and thank the Gods that my feet work, that my legs work, that I can feel the weight of my stomach, my heart, and then Orien turns over (now he can hear the music) wakes up and hits the snooze button and I am frozen until I can come out of shock and resume my morning mediation. J
Then the day begins…
We are blessed by our routine, that Orien Rose is in school and each morning is a normal struggle between parent and child to get the duties of the morning met before the bus. This morning, we sat down at the table together, all three of us, and discussed what instrument she will play next year. I try hard not to sway her decision, as I desire my cello greatly (I have yet to get one that works). I remember the way it felt in my arms, cradled by my legs, a full body wave of motion as the music played deep, enveloping me. There were times I would get so lost in the vibration of the wood, the movement of my body, and I knew that was what love was.
Orien points to all the instruments he played on the list they have given her. I talk to her about all the instruments I played. She tells me she wants to play them all. That’s my girl! I think. But, she decides on Violin as her first choice. Aunt Kelly will be proud!! And, Flute as her second choice. Then she says she wants a third choice…Cello (wooohooo, I am thinking!!!)
All of this, and a year ago there was a moment that I knew she decided to live. She has stuff she needs to do. We all have our fears. We all have our stresses of daily living: enough food, money, time…but each day brings with it so many blessings. In a moment of pain, if I can look, really look, at my family the pain vanishes. If I am in pain, and I can peek at my reality, it lessens opening the door for more healing.
So, next week we will go to the doctor’s and hopefully have a clearer picture. The following week, we will go to Free Spirit, our yearly spiritual retreat. This is where I get recharged for the year. This is where I can sit and watch my child grow up with the community that is so much a part of her. This is where I get to relax, talk, be. I have some work that needs to be done, some of it will, some of it maybe won’t depending on how the Universe deems. Orien has work to do…and Orien Rose…she is the manifestation of that work. I see that now!
So many of you talk about her survival and thriving as a result of how we raise her. I see what you are talking about, but I still can’t take the credit for it. We are doing the best we can. With all of you, that best becomes incredible!!
Perhaps I am avoiding it, perhaps I feel I don’t have much to say. Either way, I am writing because you have asked me. You have asked me what is happening, you have sent wishes and thoughts as we mark a year since the accident. You have reached out to us, anticipating what we may be feeling during these moments. So, thank you! Thank you for keeping us in your prayers, thoughts, and energies. We are appreciative and each time we begin to struggle beyond our capacity, the Universe sends us another phone call, email, card, or some other kind of connection.
We are struggling right now, but not as much as we have in the past. It reminds me that it is easy to ask for help when things are really hard, but not so much when they are just hard. Because I like to introspect and pull things apart to look at the pieces, I keep analyzing what I am feeling, why I am feeling it and what I have come up with is the long, hard road. The adrenaline of the accident and the months that followed kept us going on pure need. Today, we find ourselves with mundane struggles catapulting the underlying hopes and fears.
Recently, Orien Rose came into the bathroom when I was in the shower. She said, “Mom, look!” As if I could get a moment alone…lol… I told her to give me a moment and she said, “no Mom, look!!” And as I pulled the shower curtain back, there she was in her Tae Kwon Do uniform, her advanced green belt (tied correctly she showed me) around her waist, her gloves and foot gear on, and her helmet (not the one she was supposed to be wearing) and she says,” I am ready to spar!”
Oh boy, my heart sank and laughed in the same moment. She is ready for the surgery, too. She is also scared and has finally begun to express some of that rather than picking her head to avoid it. Yes, she got to her head again last week, but at this point she is so healed that the spot is miniscule.
Next week, I will drive to RI to meet with both plastics and neuro to talk to them about the impending surgery. I have put in the call to let them both know that we are ready. She is healed, she is ready, we are ready. Hopefully, the doctors are ready. Plastics wanted three months from the time of her head healing. June 5th will be 9 weeks, which puts us at the first week in July. These are OUR plans. Nothing, as we have learned, is set in stone.
So, we go about our days, making phone calls, working as much as possible and trying to survive. Yes, we are back to survival, living at the basest we can manage, and even then we sometimes feel we are drowning. But I believe in the power of Will and the Universe’s desire to take care of us. I put my prayers out there every day. I take a moment in the morning to listen to the music and feel my body and thank the Gods that my feet work, that my legs work, that I can feel the weight of my stomach, my heart, and then Orien turns over (now he can hear the music) wakes up and hits the snooze button and I am frozen until I can come out of shock and resume my morning mediation. J
Then the day begins…
We are blessed by our routine, that Orien Rose is in school and each morning is a normal struggle between parent and child to get the duties of the morning met before the bus. This morning, we sat down at the table together, all three of us, and discussed what instrument she will play next year. I try hard not to sway her decision, as I desire my cello greatly (I have yet to get one that works). I remember the way it felt in my arms, cradled by my legs, a full body wave of motion as the music played deep, enveloping me. There were times I would get so lost in the vibration of the wood, the movement of my body, and I knew that was what love was.
Orien points to all the instruments he played on the list they have given her. I talk to her about all the instruments I played. She tells me she wants to play them all. That’s my girl! I think. But, she decides on Violin as her first choice. Aunt Kelly will be proud!! And, Flute as her second choice. Then she says she wants a third choice…Cello (wooohooo, I am thinking!!!)
All of this, and a year ago there was a moment that I knew she decided to live. She has stuff she needs to do. We all have our fears. We all have our stresses of daily living: enough food, money, time…but each day brings with it so many blessings. In a moment of pain, if I can look, really look, at my family the pain vanishes. If I am in pain, and I can peek at my reality, it lessens opening the door for more healing.
So, next week we will go to the doctor’s and hopefully have a clearer picture. The following week, we will go to Free Spirit, our yearly spiritual retreat. This is where I get recharged for the year. This is where I can sit and watch my child grow up with the community that is so much a part of her. This is where I get to relax, talk, be. I have some work that needs to be done, some of it will, some of it maybe won’t depending on how the Universe deems. Orien has work to do…and Orien Rose…she is the manifestation of that work. I see that now!
So many of you talk about her survival and thriving as a result of how we raise her. I see what you are talking about, but I still can’t take the credit for it. We are doing the best we can. With all of you, that best becomes incredible!!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
4-24-08
4-24-08
Today is Abigail’s birthday; an event that I am so glad happened as she, my baby sister, is one who made it possible for Orien Rose to survive. She is the little girl of 10 years old, who didn’t give up and took her lesson of only ten minutes prior (on how to start the boat), and got the boat started. She had drifted that day, after Orien killed the motor to jump into the water seeing Orien Rose surface face down. She, Abigail, drifted and could have been helpless. But she wasn’t, she was persistent.
She got the boat to them, she held Orien Rose against the boat for Orien to get back in, she yelled at Orien Rose to stay awake. She yelled that she loved her and kept her conscious as Orien drove the boat to help. I can’t even imagine what she saw and went through, what she holds with her.
I have heard her say that if it was her that had fallen in, she wouldn’t have survived. I have heard her question her strength. She is so strong, though. She is a hero. I am so glad she was born! Happy Birthday, Abigail!
As we near the end of a year, we plan to celebrate life on Memorial Day weekend. We plan to hang out at the Cottage, and do what we normally do. We are feeling that it is coming up on a year and as such, I have looked back some. Still very much in the middle of the miracle, I am not always afforded the ability to retrospect. Being that I can some days is a sign, though. It let’s me know where we are at.
On Monday, we fitted Orien Rose for a new helmet knowing we were coming into the Summer months and that surgery is put off for a little bit. This time, she went with a very cool blue snakeskin. The new helmet has ventilation holes in it, but no longer has the larger hole to get air to the open portion of her head. At this point, the hole was a detriment to healing as little fingers were getting in.
We spent a few days in RI, playing on the beach, fishing, being. It was a nice few days. It was calm, peaceful, and right. Orien and Orien Rose are on Spring Break and I am home in time for my class tonight. On Wednesday, which is what you are all waiting for, I am sure, we visited with the plastic surgeon.
At this point, the goal was to get her in there with a healed head. There has been no puss for a few weeks now and only minimal scabbing. The scabs were gone by the time we got to the appointment on Wednesday. What the doctor saw was basically a pink spot, still traumatized, but healing nicely. He asked us how long it had been that way, I said 2.5 weeks, Orien said 3. He was pleased. Our strict nightly regiment of shower and cuddled to sleep (head without band aid) and then morning band aid as soon as she gets up is working!
The doctor then asked us if we had any more questions. No, was our response, but Orien Rose chimed in with, “so does this mean I can have surgery now?” J She said what we were all thinking. The doctor responded by smiling and saying it was something on all of our minds. That now, we need to coordinate with the neurosurgeon as well. He is including the three weeks of healing in the clock, and expressed a total of three months post-healing. When I said that puts us in late June early July, he would not be pinned down, but acknowledged that was a probability. He wants to see us in another 4-6 weeks to check up on our progress.
We picked up Orien Rose’s new helmet and then returned to the Cottage to clean and close up. There was some tension manifested as we cleaned, battling with wanting more relaxation and needing to get on the road. There was some tension; I am sure as we think about what is next, whichever direction it goes. We questioned our negative thoughts and concentrated on the positives. Orien and I talked and questioned our ability to get through this, and then…once we get through the next step, where are he and I? In so many ways, our relationship has taken a back seat, and in so many more ways, it has blossomed, become more compassionate, harder and yet more understanding. There is a depth that has fleshed out our commitment to each other, a death of certain fears, a renewal of passion (in both directions) and general growth. Some days, I feel as if we have grown so strong and others, I feel as if a light wind could knock us to our knees.
Life is getting situated, but sometimes I feel as if it were just yesterday that we resided in a hospital. There is still a pile of mail as you enter my house and one day, I may just burn it all. Debt has come and taken some luxuries, but our home is beautifully utilizing what we have collected over the years. And…working diligently, it is almost gone!! Some of our toys are minimized, but we are connecting so much more. Who cares that I can’t get internet on my phone! When I am out, I should be enjoying being out and what I am doing, rather than checking 30 times to make sure I respond as quickly as possible. The way we want to live our life is the way we are living it. We are proud of our energy in our home. I can walk into each room and see there are parts that we have done together. I can look up at the shelves we put in the living room, decorated with some fabric I had laying around and say, “we did that…together.” This time, forced so close, has allowed us opportunities to find ourselves within a tight unit. It has allowed us to be ugly AND forgiving. It has shown us the beauty in our suffering and the pain of our blessings.
Each morning, I light a candle that was sent to us, in honor of our relationship. I stand still for a moment as I bring the flame to the wick, and I pray for strength for all of us. I pray for clarity and the willingness to put one foot in front of the other to do the next right thing. In that moment, I see you all, smiling at me in some David Bowie/Jim Henson Labyrinthesque scene. This scene has me looking in the mirror (really closing my eyes) to see you all standing behind me, singing, praying, chanting, sending energy in our direction. When I turn around, you are not physically there, but you are with me. We feel you! As I write this, and as you read this…we feel you. Thank you!
Blessings
Today is Abigail’s birthday; an event that I am so glad happened as she, my baby sister, is one who made it possible for Orien Rose to survive. She is the little girl of 10 years old, who didn’t give up and took her lesson of only ten minutes prior (on how to start the boat), and got the boat started. She had drifted that day, after Orien killed the motor to jump into the water seeing Orien Rose surface face down. She, Abigail, drifted and could have been helpless. But she wasn’t, she was persistent.
She got the boat to them, she held Orien Rose against the boat for Orien to get back in, she yelled at Orien Rose to stay awake. She yelled that she loved her and kept her conscious as Orien drove the boat to help. I can’t even imagine what she saw and went through, what she holds with her.
I have heard her say that if it was her that had fallen in, she wouldn’t have survived. I have heard her question her strength. She is so strong, though. She is a hero. I am so glad she was born! Happy Birthday, Abigail!
As we near the end of a year, we plan to celebrate life on Memorial Day weekend. We plan to hang out at the Cottage, and do what we normally do. We are feeling that it is coming up on a year and as such, I have looked back some. Still very much in the middle of the miracle, I am not always afforded the ability to retrospect. Being that I can some days is a sign, though. It let’s me know where we are at.
On Monday, we fitted Orien Rose for a new helmet knowing we were coming into the Summer months and that surgery is put off for a little bit. This time, she went with a very cool blue snakeskin. The new helmet has ventilation holes in it, but no longer has the larger hole to get air to the open portion of her head. At this point, the hole was a detriment to healing as little fingers were getting in.
We spent a few days in RI, playing on the beach, fishing, being. It was a nice few days. It was calm, peaceful, and right. Orien and Orien Rose are on Spring Break and I am home in time for my class tonight. On Wednesday, which is what you are all waiting for, I am sure, we visited with the plastic surgeon.
At this point, the goal was to get her in there with a healed head. There has been no puss for a few weeks now and only minimal scabbing. The scabs were gone by the time we got to the appointment on Wednesday. What the doctor saw was basically a pink spot, still traumatized, but healing nicely. He asked us how long it had been that way, I said 2.5 weeks, Orien said 3. He was pleased. Our strict nightly regiment of shower and cuddled to sleep (head without band aid) and then morning band aid as soon as she gets up is working!
The doctor then asked us if we had any more questions. No, was our response, but Orien Rose chimed in with, “so does this mean I can have surgery now?” J She said what we were all thinking. The doctor responded by smiling and saying it was something on all of our minds. That now, we need to coordinate with the neurosurgeon as well. He is including the three weeks of healing in the clock, and expressed a total of three months post-healing. When I said that puts us in late June early July, he would not be pinned down, but acknowledged that was a probability. He wants to see us in another 4-6 weeks to check up on our progress.
We picked up Orien Rose’s new helmet and then returned to the Cottage to clean and close up. There was some tension manifested as we cleaned, battling with wanting more relaxation and needing to get on the road. There was some tension; I am sure as we think about what is next, whichever direction it goes. We questioned our negative thoughts and concentrated on the positives. Orien and I talked and questioned our ability to get through this, and then…once we get through the next step, where are he and I? In so many ways, our relationship has taken a back seat, and in so many more ways, it has blossomed, become more compassionate, harder and yet more understanding. There is a depth that has fleshed out our commitment to each other, a death of certain fears, a renewal of passion (in both directions) and general growth. Some days, I feel as if we have grown so strong and others, I feel as if a light wind could knock us to our knees.
Life is getting situated, but sometimes I feel as if it were just yesterday that we resided in a hospital. There is still a pile of mail as you enter my house and one day, I may just burn it all. Debt has come and taken some luxuries, but our home is beautifully utilizing what we have collected over the years. And…working diligently, it is almost gone!! Some of our toys are minimized, but we are connecting so much more. Who cares that I can’t get internet on my phone! When I am out, I should be enjoying being out and what I am doing, rather than checking 30 times to make sure I respond as quickly as possible. The way we want to live our life is the way we are living it. We are proud of our energy in our home. I can walk into each room and see there are parts that we have done together. I can look up at the shelves we put in the living room, decorated with some fabric I had laying around and say, “we did that…together.” This time, forced so close, has allowed us opportunities to find ourselves within a tight unit. It has allowed us to be ugly AND forgiving. It has shown us the beauty in our suffering and the pain of our blessings.
Each morning, I light a candle that was sent to us, in honor of our relationship. I stand still for a moment as I bring the flame to the wick, and I pray for strength for all of us. I pray for clarity and the willingness to put one foot in front of the other to do the next right thing. In that moment, I see you all, smiling at me in some David Bowie/Jim Henson Labyrinthesque scene. This scene has me looking in the mirror (really closing my eyes) to see you all standing behind me, singing, praying, chanting, sending energy in our direction. When I turn around, you are not physically there, but you are with me. We feel you! As I write this, and as you read this…we feel you. Thank you!
Blessings
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