4-24-08

4-24-08

Today is Abigail’s birthday; an event that I am so glad happened as she, my baby sister, is one who made it possible for Orien Rose to survive. She is the little girl of 10 years old, who didn’t give up and took her lesson of only ten minutes prior (on how to start the boat), and got the boat started. She had drifted that day, after Orien killed the motor to jump into the water seeing Orien Rose surface face down. She, Abigail, drifted and could have been helpless. But she wasn’t, she was persistent.

She got the boat to them, she held Orien Rose against the boat for Orien to get back in, she yelled at Orien Rose to stay awake. She yelled that she loved her and kept her conscious as Orien drove the boat to help. I can’t even imagine what she saw and went through, what she holds with her.

I have heard her say that if it was her that had fallen in, she wouldn’t have survived. I have heard her question her strength. She is so strong, though. She is a hero. I am so glad she was born! Happy Birthday, Abigail!

As we near the end of a year, we plan to celebrate life on Memorial Day weekend. We plan to hang out at the Cottage, and do what we normally do. We are feeling that it is coming up on a year and as such, I have looked back some. Still very much in the middle of the miracle, I am not always afforded the ability to retrospect. Being that I can some days is a sign, though. It let’s me know where we are at.

On Monday, we fitted Orien Rose for a new helmet knowing we were coming into the Summer months and that surgery is put off for a little bit. This time, she went with a very cool blue snakeskin. The new helmet has ventilation holes in it, but no longer has the larger hole to get air to the open portion of her head. At this point, the hole was a detriment to healing as little fingers were getting in.

We spent a few days in RI, playing on the beach, fishing, being. It was a nice few days. It was calm, peaceful, and right. Orien and Orien Rose are on Spring Break and I am home in time for my class tonight. On Wednesday, which is what you are all waiting for, I am sure, we visited with the plastic surgeon.

At this point, the goal was to get her in there with a healed head. There has been no puss for a few weeks now and only minimal scabbing. The scabs were gone by the time we got to the appointment on Wednesday. What the doctor saw was basically a pink spot, still traumatized, but healing nicely. He asked us how long it had been that way, I said 2.5 weeks, Orien said 3. He was pleased. Our strict nightly regiment of shower and cuddled to sleep (head without band aid) and then morning band aid as soon as she gets up is working!

The doctor then asked us if we had any more questions. No, was our response, but Orien Rose chimed in with, “so does this mean I can have surgery now?” J She said what we were all thinking. The doctor responded by smiling and saying it was something on all of our minds. That now, we need to coordinate with the neurosurgeon as well. He is including the three weeks of healing in the clock, and expressed a total of three months post-healing. When I said that puts us in late June early July, he would not be pinned down, but acknowledged that was a probability. He wants to see us in another 4-6 weeks to check up on our progress.

We picked up Orien Rose’s new helmet and then returned to the Cottage to clean and close up. There was some tension manifested as we cleaned, battling with wanting more relaxation and needing to get on the road. There was some tension; I am sure as we think about what is next, whichever direction it goes. We questioned our negative thoughts and concentrated on the positives. Orien and I talked and questioned our ability to get through this, and then…once we get through the next step, where are he and I? In so many ways, our relationship has taken a back seat, and in so many more ways, it has blossomed, become more compassionate, harder and yet more understanding. There is a depth that has fleshed out our commitment to each other, a death of certain fears, a renewal of passion (in both directions) and general growth. Some days, I feel as if we have grown so strong and others, I feel as if a light wind could knock us to our knees.

Life is getting situated, but sometimes I feel as if it were just yesterday that we resided in a hospital. There is still a pile of mail as you enter my house and one day, I may just burn it all. Debt has come and taken some luxuries, but our home is beautifully utilizing what we have collected over the years. And…working diligently, it is almost gone!! Some of our toys are minimized, but we are connecting so much more. Who cares that I can’t get internet on my phone! When I am out, I should be enjoying being out and what I am doing, rather than checking 30 times to make sure I respond as quickly as possible. The way we want to live our life is the way we are living it. We are proud of our energy in our home. I can walk into each room and see there are parts that we have done together. I can look up at the shelves we put in the living room, decorated with some fabric I had laying around and say, “we did that…together.” This time, forced so close, has allowed us opportunities to find ourselves within a tight unit. It has allowed us to be ugly AND forgiving. It has shown us the beauty in our suffering and the pain of our blessings.

Each morning, I light a candle that was sent to us, in honor of our relationship. I stand still for a moment as I bring the flame to the wick, and I pray for strength for all of us. I pray for clarity and the willingness to put one foot in front of the other to do the next right thing. In that moment, I see you all, smiling at me in some David Bowie/Jim Henson Labyrinthesque scene. This scene has me looking in the mirror (really closing my eyes) to see you all standing behind me, singing, praying, chanting, sending energy in our direction. When I turn around, you are not physically there, but you are with me. We feel you! As I write this, and as you read this…we feel you. Thank you!

Blessings