9-28-07

9-28-07

I haven’t abandoned you all. As a matter of fact, you have all been on my mind so much lately, it has been painful. I am struggling with how to write to you to make sure that you get the information I need you to (and that you have expressed needing) without creating any repercussions elsewhere.

This has been a difficult task, as I realized my writing is fueled by your reading. That it is an intricate dance back and forth. This is not the writing of my childhood, where I expelled all that hurt me so I could live, this is writing so that we can heal. All of us. This is a shared endeavor.

I have heard your stories, too. You have been gracious enough to share them with me. They have kept me going, kept me connected to something so much bigger than myself, something so much bigger than the unit we are in this house.

Orien and I are doing okay. We are not great, we are not even good most of the time, but we are okay. We are tired, but this leg of the journey is almost over. Three IV treatments a day, little sleep, school (for all of us), work…it is a lot to do. We are finding joy in the little moments. Orien and I are sharing our enjoyment of work, he now working for the same organization during the day.

I find we can be brutally raw in our emotions, but equally forgiving. I have expressed my emotions more so than ever before in my relationship with Orien, and man does it feel good not to have to weigh everything I am going to do or say, but to just be in my skin. I am more me than I have been in a long time.

Orien Rose…she is adjusting to school slowly. She is getting frustrated at the pace. She is smart. There is no doubt of her intelligence, but her stamina is not there, her focus is not there right now. She gets home from school, we do her treatment and she does her homework. After that, she takes a break with a snack and a little TV while I am searching online for more work to mimic the work she brought home. We are learning new studying strategies together. After her break, she comes back to the table where we start on more work, or a game on brainpop.com that correlates. Then we do puzzles, read or play card games. Right now, we are keeping television to a minimum and doing what we can to stimulate the neurons.

Yesterday was four months since the accident. In looking at the picture in totality, she is amazing! We are amazing.

So, folks, this one was short, but I wanted to let you in. I wanted to be embraced by your thoughts before I leave for a week. Yes, I am leaving for a week to take care of myself. Orien will do so shortly afterwards. We are hurting, but we know how to take care of ourselves…with your help, we can keep going! You are all loved.